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Tasteful Adult Jokes Pertaining to Dentistry

A very funny YouTube® clip with Mr Been in the dentist chair.

A very funny YouTube® clip with Tim Conway as a Prison Dentist.

A very funny YouTube® clip with Foster Brooks as a Dentist.

A very funny YouTube® clip from 1983 with Bill Cosby talks about Dentists.

A dentist friend of mine had a T-shirt which said on the front:  Let me put my tool in your mouth…  and on the back…  and I will fill your cavity.

A married man woke up, shaved, took a shower and getting ready for the dental appointment. His wife, for some reason, fixed up a delicious breakfast for him. The man starts eating his breakfast and notices his wife acting strange.

Man: sweetheart? what?s wrong?!!!

Wife: I?m so horny this morning? lets do it right now?.

Man: no, sweety, I have a dental appointment in 30 minutes? I don? wanna be late

Wife: well? let?s do it quick? just give me some oral quickly and go to the dentist

So the man did his best, comes to the dentist, sits down the dental chair.

Dentist asks him to open up his mouth, the guy does and suddenly the dentist screams:  Oh my god?..!!!

Man: what??! What is it???!!!!!....... do you see some hair between my teeth?????

Dentist: No, but you?ve got shit all over your beard!!!!!

The dentist was called away from the dinner table to take an urgent phone call.

It was Mr. Tuckerman, explaining that young Junior had gotten himself into quite a fix.

"See, he was kissing his girlfriend, and when my wife and I came back from the movies we found them stuck together."

"I'll come right over, Mr. Tuckerman," said the dentist calmly, "and don't worry about a thing. I have to unlock teenagers' braces all the time."

Mr. Tuckerman whispered, "Yes, but from an IUD?"

As soon as the dentist asked the patient to sit down, he pulled out his wallet.

Seeing this the dentist said, "Please don't, you don't need to pay me now".

The patient answered: "Pay you! I just want to count my money before I'm unconscious!"

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.

The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear:

"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves

"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"

She said, "No?"

"Well," he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size.

Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands!

Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again."

But she didn't laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he suddenly had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.

The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!"

So a lady goes into a dentists office, gets on a chair and spreads her legs far apart.

The doctor is shocked to see this so he says: "Excuse me, miss, you must have the wrong place, this is a dentist's office."

The lady answers back: "Well, didn't you put my husband's dentures in last week?" the lady says.

The doctor nodded.

"Well," the lady said, "now you have to get them out."

Old man: "Darling, your teeth remind me of the stars"

Old woman: "Because they gleam and sparkle?"

Old man: "No, because they come out at night!"

Cloyd went to a Charleston dentist complaining his gums had shriveled up and his teeth were falling out.

After examining him, the dentist said, “Your mouth is really bad. Do you brush?”

“Ah sure do!” replied Cloyd. “Everee single day!”

“What do you brush with?” asked the dentist,

“Preparation H,” said the redneck.

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's.

He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup.  As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them.  Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife.

The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.

The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs.

The old gentleman said, "Oh no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."

The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied... "Not yet...It's his turn with the teeth!"

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth.

The dentist examines him and says,"that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding, what have you been eating?"

The man replies,"all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce.  I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegetables,everything."

"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem.  Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive.  It's eaten away your upper plate.  I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome."

"Why chrome?" asks the patient.

It's simple the dentist replies, "Everyone knows there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

A patient sits in the dental chair with severely fractured front teeth.

After discussing how they will be restored and what the fee would be the patient says,

" Before we begin, Doc, I gotta know: Will I be able to play the trumpet when you are finished? "

The dentist replies " Sure you will! "

The patient replies " Great, I couldn't play a note before!"

A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him, he says, "that tooth has to come out.

I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."

The man grabs the dentist's arm, "no way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!"

So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas."

The man replies, "absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas."

So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, "here," he says. "Take this pill."

The man asks "What is it?"

The doc replies, "Viagra."

The man looks surprised, "will that kill the pain?" he asks.

"No," replies the dentist, "but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth!"

Dentists can be so frustrating.
You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment, and they say, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."

Patient:  Doctor, I am very nervous. You know, this is my first extraction.
Young dentist:  Don't worry, it's my first extraction too.

When a new dentist set up in a small town he quickly acquired a reputation of being the latest kind of "Painless" dentist.  But a local lad quickly disputed this.
"He's a fake ! " he told his mates.  "He's not painless at all.  When he stuck his finger in my mouth I bit him - and he yelled like anyone else."

"Open wider."  requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient.
"Good God !"  he said startled.  "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen."
"OK Doc !"  replied the patient.  "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice."
"I didn't !"  said the dentist.  "That was the echo."

Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist.  "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novacaine because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said.  "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way."  The dentist was quite impressed. " You're certainly a courageous woman," he said.  "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."
Stammering Charlie to dentist's sexy secretary: "I have an appointment to get my morals - er molars checked."

A particularly voluptuous lady entered the dentists surgery in an obvious state of agitation.  The dentist tried to calm her down assuring her that he would do nothing to hurt her.  She sat down in the chair and started fidgeting nervously as the dentist began sterilizing all the required equipment.  When he asked her to open her mouth, she screamed.

So he tried to calm her down again even though he was losing patience.

Almost immediately the lady threw a hysterical fit, then realizing that the dentist had begun glaring at her, she said, "Oh doctor, I'm so nervous. I hate dentists.  Why, I think I'd rather have a baby than have a tooth drilled."

Replied the dentist " Well Miss, better make up your mind fast so that I can adjust the chair accordingly."

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to the hotel that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten to get his false teeth.  Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth."  The man said, "No problem."  With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth.

"Try these," he said.  The speaker tried them.  "Too loose," he said.  The man then said, "I have another pair...try these."  The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."  The man was not taken back at all.  He then said, "I have one more pair...try them."  The speaker said, "They fit perfectly."  With that he ate his meal and gave his address.

After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him.  "I want to thank you for coming to my aid.  Where is your office?  I've been looking for a good dentist."

The man replied, "I'm not a dentist.  I'm the local undertaker."
A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friend with him.  While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.

As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandmother, "Thanks for the peanuts.  " She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off 'em."

A patient asked the dentist, if it wasn't nasty to be all the day with the hands in someone's mouth.
The dentist answered "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."

Patient to Dentist: "How much to get my teeth straightened?"

"Twenty thousand bucks" Patient heads for the door.

Dentist to patient: "Where are you going?"

"To a plastic surgeon to get my mouth bent."

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled? Dentist: $200

Patient: $200 for just a few minutes work???

Dentist: I can extract it very slowly, if you like.
"I came in to make an appointment with the dentist." said the man to the receptionist."

"I'm sorry sir." she replied. "He's out right now, but..."

"Thank you." interrupted the obviously nervous man.  "When will he be out again ?"

Mother: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
Son: I don't know. The dentist kept it.

The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals, a carpenter, an electrician, and a dentist, were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night.  The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a chuckle or two.  The electrician decided to wire the bed.  The dentist wouldn't commit himself, but wore a sly grin and promised it would be memorable.  The nuptials went as planned and a few days later, each of the grooms buddies received the following note:  "Dear friends; We didn't mind the bed slats being sawed.  The electric shock was only a minor setback.  But I swear by God almighty, I'm going to kill whoever put Novocain in the K-Y jelly!"

The Top Ten Signs Your Dentist is Crazy

  1. Keeps trying to sell you extra teeth.
  2. His restrooms are labeled "Bleeders" and "Non-Bleeders".
  3. Pumps gas into the waiting room in advance.
  4. Does an extensive search for cavities...dental and body.
  5. He... umm... licks his tools clean.
  6. Gets mad when you mention that 4 out of 5 dentists surveyed lie.
  7. When you come to from being under the gas, he's quick to insist that you wore your pants backwards when you came into his office.
  8. Wears a necklace made of human teeth.
  9. Has a grindstone in the office for his tools.
  10. Insists that a Novocaine shot is something that he'll buy you at a bar if you just go out with him.

Top Ten Signs You May Be Using The Wrong Dentist

  1. Directions to the office include: "Turn Onto The Dirt Road"
  2. Your dentist is wearing a pair of pants you gave to the Salvation Army last month.
  3. Your dentist giggles uncontrollably whenever he hears the words "That Hurts!"
  4. All the front keys on your dentist's personal computer are rotted out.
  5. Dental diploma appears to be a warranty from "Black and Decker."
  6. Number #1 on the patient questionnaire is: "Have you ever pressed charges?"
  7. When giving nitrous the patient is assured, "Don't Worry, I Just Tried Some Myself."
  8. When giving a local injection you hear: "Gosh, let's all do a shot!"
  9. The only magazine in the waiting room is titled "Living Cheap"
  10. Instead of using Nitrous gas, your dentist asks you to pull his finger.

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